Focus: Raising children tenderly in the fear and wisdom of the Lord is a Christian parent’s primary responsibility.
Function: To encourage parents to raise their children in the fear and wisdom of the Lord as their primary, highest parental responsibility.
Texts: Proverbs 1:1-9; Eph. 6:1-4
Good babysitters are hard to find. Isn’t that the truth?
Here you are: You and your husband have not been on a date together since you
had your first-born child 6 months ago. You are ready for a break, but who’s
going to take care of your child for the evening?
Your parents live 400 miles away, and even though you had a few names of possible babysitters referred to you, you are ill at ease. After all, who is good enough to take care of your precious child? Surely, no one can take care of your kid the way you do! Ah, parents are picky when it comes to babysitters. That’s why I say: good babysitters are hard to find!
When it comes to the physical comfort and safety of our children, we tend to be picky. But I’ve observed over the years that many parents are not so “picky” when it comes to the raising of our children’s mental, moral, emotional and spiritual formation and character. Let me ask you, for example, who is responsible for raising our children? Is it parents? Or the schools? Or the media and pop culture? Is it the church and its youth pastor? Or is it the government? Who is responsible?
They say that it takes a village to raise a child. There is some truth in that saying. For example, raising children takes place in a social context: there are the neighborhood, the schools, the churches, and other institutions where social interaction takes place.
But you cannot hold “the village” responsible for raising your child. You cannot hand over your parental priorities to “the village.” Far too many parents in our society today are doing precisely that very thing: they abdicate their parental priorities—and later on they wonder why their kids turned out the way they did.
In light of the Scriptures, I maintain today that raising children tenderly in the fear and wisdom of the Lord is a Christian parent’s primary responsibility. Therefore, Christian parents do well to set clear parental priorities for themselves. I want to encourage all of you to raise your children in the fear and wisdom of the Lord as your primary, highest responsibility.
The Scriptures speak to us all
today: Parents and children are amply addressed: Take Proverbs 1:8 and 9, for
example: “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake
your mother’s teaching.” Or listen to the apostle Paul addressing
children and parents, and in particular fathers: “Children, obey your
parents in the Lord, for this is right…Fathers, do not exasperate your
children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Even those of us who are single or do not have children receive a word from the Lord. Listen: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Clearly, God is knocking on our doors. Being picky about good babysitters is one thing. But how about being picky about our parental priorities and responsibilities? Let me say it again: Raising children tenderly in the fear and wisdom of the Lord is a Christian parent’s primary responsibility.
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I cannot claim to be a perfect parent. Nor do I claim to be an expert. Like so many of you, I’ve learned parenting “on the go.” One thing I can say with certainty, however. It takes wisdom to parent. And that’s why we ought to be grateful for God’s Word, for God speaks to us words of wisdom in the form of proverbs—wisdom sayings.
These words of wisdom, gleaned by Solomon through general observations and filled with instructions from God’s Spirit give us footage and steadfastness in navigating our ship of life and raising our children.
We do well to take these proverbs seriously, for they come from the mouth of God himself through Solomon and others. In fact, the voice of God’s eternal Son, the Lord Jesus, comes through in the Book of Proverbs. Jesus is the wisdom of God personified. That’s why the apostle Paul can say (I Cor. 1:30) that “…Christ Jesus…has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.” To know this Jesus, to be found in him through faith, and to be shaped by his word and instructions is to live a life of wisdom.
Surely, in that light the summary wisdom saying in Proverbs 1:7 makes a lot of sense: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”
True knowledge and the passing on of true knowledge to
our children begins with an attitude or posture of holy reverence for God. The
fear of the Lord is a measure of dread or deep respect for God’s holiness and
divine wisdom.
If
you would have to brew a soup called “the fear of the Lord” you would have to
take a kettle and fill it with these ingredients: dread, reverence, majesty,
holiness, divine power, awe and wonder, a deep respect, love, child-like trust,
humility, and many other characteristics that exalt the Lord. Then, when you
begin to spoon-feed yourself and your children with all these ingredients that
make up the fear of the Lord, you and the children will begin to gain true
knowledge. How we all need the fear and wisdom of the Lord!
In Ephesians 6:4 we learn
that Christian parents have a primary responsibility to bring up their children
in the training and instruction of the Lord. Negatively, Paul says in
particular to fathers, “do not exasperate your children.”
Positively, he says, “instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord.”One commentator (Hendriksen) exposes some ways by which we,
at times, exasperate our
children (I’ve been guilty of some of
them at one time or another).
For
example, by being over-protective; by playing favoritism; by dampening their
enthusiasm with discouragement and negativism; by bitter words and outright
physical cruelty, or by neglecting to show interest in them and in their
accomplishments; or by failing to remember and acknowledge that our children—as
they develop into teenagers and young adults—have a right to have ideas of
their own. They do not have to be copycats of their parents to be or become
servants of the living God.
You
are right: raising children is a daunting task. Yet, to raise our children
tenderly in the fear and wisdom of the Lord is our primary, highest
responsibility. That’s why we should pay close attention to Paul’s positive
words when he says, “…instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord.”
Christian
parenting means that we “school our children in the ways of the Lord.” Our
homes and our parental sphere of influence is the environment or school in
which we teach our children the mind and ways and wisdom of the Lord. Our
children need such reverence and knowledge. And we who claim to be Christian
parents must make these elements of Christian discipline and instruction our
highest priority.
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In practicing and teaching the fear and wisdom of the
Lord, I wish to stress three things:
1. Christian teaching or doctrines are vital in
forming the children as men and women of God: Many adult Christians have an aversion to doctrines. Some of you
have no use for Christian teachings and prefer to stay ignorant when it comes
to the knowledge of God and the fear of the Lord. You prefer to make up your
own knowledge of God. Or you feel it’s better for your children to decide for
themselves what they should know about God and how they should relate to God.
That’s a colossal mistake, however!
Christian doctrines revealed by God
in Scriptures and formulated by Spirit-led Christian men and women in the
church of Christ through the ages are like a roadmap. They give you and your
children structure, and a way to go through life without getting burned by
sinful ways, selfish attitudes and demonic vices. Just as a roadmap guides us
to stay on the highway and find our way on the byways, so Christian teachings
guide us through life. And just as a roadmap warns us about dangers and places
that are off-limits for travelers, so Christian teachings keep us from heresies
and idolatries and vices that undermine our service and fear of the Lord.
Christian teaching or doctrines are vital in forming
the children as men and women of God. Knowing and passing on Christian doctrine
should be any Christian parent’s highest priority. Why? Because Christian moral
conduct, Spirit-filled virtues, characters of integrity, and hearts filled with
righteousness and a desire to serve the Lord—all these are formed and shaped by
Christian doctrines found in the Scriptures.
Let’s not raise and send our kids into the world
without Christian doctrine taught by you and me in our homes. And that leads me
to my second emphasis:
2. Instruct and train your children first and
foremost at home: I’m thankful for the Christian Reformed
Church’s historic emphasis of parenting by pointing to the availability of the
three-legged stool: the Christian home, the church, and the school. It is a Christian
parent’s highest responsibility to shape and form our children with the mind of
Christ and the wisdom of the Lord. As parents we avail ourselves of the
community of faith, the church, and we gladly reinforce the Christian teachings
that are supposedly taught in the home.
And we gratefully may make use of Christian
instruction at specific schools to reinforce our parental instruction and
formation at home. But at no time may we abdicate our parental responsibility
or priority to teach our children the knowledge of God and the way of the Lord
Jesus.
So, for example, dropping off at
church your 15 yr. old teenager for Catechism instruction, expecting the youth
pastor or volunteer Junior high Christian teacher to make a man or woman of God
out of your child during a weekly, one-hour instructional program over a three
or six month period—is wishful thinking.
I believe it’s time that Christian parents assume full
responsibility themselves to teach their children the doctrines of faith. It’s
primary to our task as parents.
Yes, it’s also vital that the church
does her job of teaching and showing our youth the way of the Lord. And I hope
that members of Calvary will always insist on solid Christian teachings at all
levels of the church. But dropping off your kids at church, thinking that such
is the end of your parental duty, and then doing your own thing on Sundays or
throughout the week is the wrong message to send to your kids and it’s the
wrong way to go as Christian parents. Raising children tenderly in the fear and
wisdom of the Lord is a Christian parent’s primary responsibility. Make it your
highest priority at home.
That, of course, leads me to my
third emphasis:
3. Review and discuss together with your spouse
your family time at home: When
I grew up, our family had breakfast and supper together; my father read
Scripture after each meal; we prayed before and after we sat down to eat. We
read a lot at night; there was not much else to do. Oh, yes, I know, for most
of us these days are over.
So, how do you nurture the faith of your children at
home? How do you pray for each other? How do you speak the name of Christ and
discuss Christian teachings at home? How do you model to your children the
wisdom and fear of the Lord?
“Where do you get the time?” You ask. But
that’s the wrong question: We don’t need more hours in the day. We need to
restructure our use of time each day. And that’s difficult to do.
I do not have a quick and easy answer for you when it
comes to your home life. But this I know: When we take seriously our parental
priorities and responsibilities, God will show us the way. Therefore, go for
it: prioritize your family time at home.
It’s true: finding a good babysitter is a picky and
difficult business. However, being a responsible, Christian parent, setting
parental priorities for your family is far more important. Do not be
discouraged. Keep at it, today and always!
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.