Title: PARENTING IS….
Focus: The Lord calls us—parents and the community of faith—to hold before the children the way they should go.
Function: To encourage all present to seek and model to our children the Lord’s way for them.
Text: Proverbs 22:6
Let’s fill in the blank: “Parenting is….” It would be interesting to hear your heartfelt comments. I’ve a hunch that our comments will differ, depending on what’s happening right now in our families and in our relationships with our children. Some may say: “Parenting is a joy.” Others may say, “Parenting is a challenge.” And again some others may say, “Parenting is a heartache for us.” There are also parents who will say: “Parenting is for the birds,” and they show it by letting their kids loose, giving them no structure, no discipline, and thus these kids are on their way to self-destruction and misery.
The answer to the question “Parenting is…” is indeed very important. It gives us an opportunity to enter the text from Proverbs 22:6 with a measure of expectation and renewed curiosity: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
I thought that this text may help us to get ready for the fall season, when the kids go back to school, and when Calvary Church starts up her teaching ministry. This text gives us direction, insight, and something to “hang on” our hat of parenting and educating the children we have. For here the Lord God calls us—parents and the community of faith—to hold before the children the way they should go.
WHY THIS MESSAGE?
You see, there are changes in the air for all of us. Some of us are going to be empty nesters—the kids have finally flown the coop; they are on their own, off to college, off to pursue a career. Others will see their first child go to pre-school, or to first grade, or to high school. These are big, exiting moments, filled with some anxiety nevertheless. And we wonder: how will our children adapt to the new environments they face?
As members of Calvary, we are keenly interested in the spiritual growth and development of all the children. That’s why we have children’s ministries and students ministries. These ministries reflect a very deep commitment we have as a community of faith: the children need to grow up in faith and learn to love and serve the Lord our God in all their ways. How do we go about that task?
Beginning this fall, there will be some changes. The basic commitments to biblical teachings from a Reformed perspective and the spiritual values we have deemed important for so long, will not change. What will change, however, are the environments in which the children and the students or our youth will interact, learn, fellowship, and grow in their faith and relationship with the Lord and the church.
Infused with purpose, centered on our mission to lead people (including our children and youth) to a growing and committed relationship with Christ and the church, the children’s ministries will make use of a Sunday morning environment that invites parents and children (kindergartners through grade 5) to gather for a time of celebration and praise, and prayer, and Bible teaching. FAMJAM will be from 9:00-9:25 AM.
After that, the children will go to their respective classes for further instruction and interaction. The young people from the students ministry will have the opportunity to serve as models, as big buddies, as encouragers, and as helpers in one way or another, to encourage the younger children to become strong in faith. During this time, adults will have opportunity to sharpen the ax of their faith by participating in various adult education classes. And then, of course, at 10:30 AM we will all gather for intergenerational worship in this sanctuary.
The
students ministry will create an alternative environment on Sunday afternoons,
from 5:00-6:30 PM, where they will gather for celebration, prayers, faith
stories, Bible teaching. After that, they will go to their respective class
settings or small groups and receive catechism or biblical teaching appropriate
for their age level. And they will conclude their time together with supper and
fellowship. I am excited about the upcoming ministries of our kids. I hope you
are too! And I trust that today you hear the Lord calling us to hold before the
children the way they should go: “Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
First of
all, let’s be clear on this text. This text is not a hard and fast promise.
The Holy Spirit is not giving us a recipe for raising perfect kids who would
qualify for sainthood by the age of 20. Also, this text is not a formula that
guarantees that our children will score a perfect 10 if only us parents do this
and this and this. Parents who read this text like a formula for successful
childrearing, or who think that God is making them a promise if only they give
their kids a Christian upbringing, are making a huge mistake that has caused
them—and others—much grief. Over the years I’ve met some godly parents who gave
it their best shot when it came to raising their kids. Some of their children
turned out to become followers of Jesus; some, however, turned their back to
Christ, his church, and his Word altogether. And these parents grieve much and
sometimes they torture themselves wondering, “What did I do wrong in raising
my son or daughter for him or her to turn the back to God?”
No, this text is a proverb, a wisdom saying. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it,” is a general observation made by generations of men and women who realized that most children will turn out to become godly men and women as their parents do their particular share in the training of their children. Wisdom sayings tap into the reservoir of human experience and observation. And that’s how we must receive this Scripture text—as a wisdom saying.
Secondly, to whom is the inspired writer speaking? Is this a wisdom saying meant for the ears of parents only? For children perhaps? Or are there other “ears” that need to observe this gem of wisdom?
Clearly, the saying is meant for parents. They have the primary responsibility to raise the children God gives them. And yes, this saying has also a lot of wisdom for children. Listen up kids! Wise up guys and girls! God has a word for you, too, in this text.
Note, however, that God speaks this saying in the context of his covenant community, his people, the church today. This wisdom saying concerns all of us who make up the community of faith. Why is that? Because children do not simply grow up in their families, but also in the larger community to which their families belong. Raising kids is not only a parents’ obligation; the community also has an obligation; and so do the teachers in that community.
This is why Calvary Church—as a community—is keen on emphasizing to Christian parents that raising their kids in the way they should go also means carefully choosing the schools that educate their kids. Christian education—on all levels—has bearing on this text. Parents, kids, church and school educators—we all have a role to play in the training of the children.
Thirdly, as we receive the text as a wisdom saying, let’s be clear on the scope of the text. It speaks of a “child” and of that child being “old.” “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” We must not put an age level on this “when he is old,”--like when the child is 65 or 75 years old. No, the wisdom saying recognizes the various stages into which a newborn child grows: newborn, infancy, kindergartner, pre-teen, teenager, adolescent, young adult, going into maturity and old age. In other words, when we train the children we do so with a view of these stages of life. You don’t raise your kids so that they will be wise when they are 80 years old. Rather, we raise them with a view to stand on their own, be responsible citizens, and become a blessing to people around them. But of course, more must be said.
For example, the text says: “Train a child….” The word that is translated into English has several shades of meaning: it means: apply discipline—where children must learn to bridle their desires and channel their emotions in a helpful way. Disciplining children means that we hold them accountable—keeping in mind their maturity level and age—for their actions and behavior. When parents discipline their children, they show that they love their kids, because appropriate discipline is like oil that keeps the child from getting stuck in life with destructive behavior and lots of misery.
There is another shade of meaning in the word “Train a child….” Disciple a child, that is, model to your child what skills to develop, what behavior to adopt, and what virtues and worldviews to embrace. The Hebrew word translated as “Train” also implies an act of consecration or devotion. Parents do well to set their children apart as children who belong to the Lord. Children are not our property; they are God’s gifts to us, only for us to train, to discipline, to disciple, and to consecrate to God for life-long service. In short, God calls us to participate in the process of raising, teaching, educating, modeling, consecrating, discipling and disciplining children. We must do so in light of “the way they should go.”
Some people train their kids with the motto: “My way or the highway!” Others are very comfortable to follow the way suggested by the latest child psychologist; again, others use the way of the world, the way dished out and determined by our culture and its whimsies. But in the book of Proverbs, the way that God holds before all is the way of justice, the way of what is right; it’s the way of reverence or fear of God, a respect for and a loyalty to God’s way of living in this world. To train a child in the way she should go means that children must learn to orientate all of life with respect to their Creator God, who also rescues them from sin and death and gives them life through faith in Christ Jesus, the Son of God.
“The way a child should go” is the Lord’s way in life. And the way of the Lord is paved with his Word, the Bible; it is sealed with his loving, covenantal promises; it is marked with fear and reverence. And all children must learn to travel the way of the Lord—the way that they should go—in the power and presence of the Lord’s Holy Spirit.
So here are some things for all of us to know and to do:
As stewards
or custodians of the children, we must avoid placing before them the world’s
vision or notion of success. Do not encourage the children to become doctors
and lawyers and highly successful business people because “that’s where the
money is.” Rather, encourage them to use and develop their gifts and
abilities—always with a view to what the Lord may call them to do. And that may
very well be the practice of law or medicine. But be open and encourage the
children to discover God’s way and will for them in light of their particular
temperament, skill sets, abilities, and interest. So then, parents practice
this knowledge: we are stewards. And do this: we must help the children
discover the Lord’s way in their lives—“the way they should go.”
Also, know the story of God’s way with the world all throughout history. You do not live in a world of your own. You are not an island by yourself. You are part of the tapestry of God’s story. Somehow, you play a vital role in the history and gathering of God’s people throughout the world. Just as it is good to know your family history, it’s also very important to know your heavenly Father’s history. Know the story of God’s way by reading, and studying, and pondering and acting upon the teachings and stories of the Bible.
One final thing: Do this: think of yourself as a man or woman of God. No matter what career or vocation you would like to choose, always think of yourself as a man or woman of God. Do you want to be a nurse? Great! Become the best nurse you can possibly be, but remember to reflect God’s influence in your nursing practice and life because you are first and foremost a woman of God. Do you want to be an athlete, a journalist, an actor? Great! Become the best you can be, but remember: you are first and foremost a man or woman of God.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.