Title: IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY

Focus: God intends marriage—the union between a man and woman—to be for life.

Function: To encourage the people to continue to uphold God’s intent for marriage as we live with the reality of sin and brokenness in our lives.

Text: Mark 10:1-16

INTRODUCTION

            I remember the very first time that I realized that things were not the way they are supposed to be. I was nine years old. But I still remember that day when my five-year-old sister was killed by a truck. On that day, I was jolted into the realization that some things just are not supposed to be. The death of my sister was one of those things.

            I think we all go through such experiences from time to time. For example, when we heard about the horrendous shooting by this milkman in an Amish school house in Pennsylvania, killing at least 4 girls and critically wounding others, we all knew instinctively: It’s not supposed to be that way.

            When we hear of a congress man salaciously reaching out to young boys, we know instinctively: It’s not supposed to be that way. When children observe their parents fighting and hurting each other with harsh words and even fists, they know deep down in their hearts: It’s not supposed to be that way. And when we learn that our friends are going through a divorce, we ache for them, for we know: It’s not supposed to be that way.

            For God intends marriage—the union between a man and woman—to be for life. Yes, that’s the way marriage is supposed to be--a life-long union between a husband and wife. I say “supposed to be” for we all know the reality of sin and the misery of broken relationships. I’ve never dealt with a couple in pre-marital counseling that expected to be divorced within the next 7 or 14 years. Yet, about 45% of marriages do break up eventually. And the statistics for Christians are about the same as the rest of society.

Sin, brokenness, and misery are part of our daily experience. It’s not supposed to be that way. But it is. What are we to do in the midst of such reality? As Christians, we continue to uphold God’s intent for marriage.

THE NEED TO HEAR JESUS

            Our culture and society are on a destructive pathway when it comes to marriage and sexuality. Our culture, for example, promotes free sex, without any obligations. Our public education system facilitates this movement toward free sex by discussing human sexuality apart from any particular moral set of values and void of any reference to God, the Bible, and the nature of marriage.

            The dramatic increase of couples living together “as long as it works out or is convenient for either party,” underscores the effects of “free sex.” Co-habitation is becoming more and more prevalent among the younger generation. Let’s not kid ourselves: Our sons and daughters need to hear from us parents and grandparents the Christian message of sexuality and marriage. We need to embrace, uphold and teach that God has set boundaries to express our sexuality, and that God intends marriage to be for life.

            Another reason why we need to listen to Jesus’ message today is the movement toward redefining marriage. There is an enormous push by special interest groups to change the definition of marriage from a union between a man and woman to include the union of gay men and women. Should that become the law of the land, we will further drift away from God’s intent for marriage—and the price will be further chaos in society. For again, let’s not kid ourselves: if a society redefines marriage as traditionally understood and taught in Scripture, society opens the door for all kinds of sordid relationships, including polygamy, pedophilia, and incest.

It’s not supposed to be that way! God intends marriage—the union between a man and woman—to be for life. Listen to Jesus: “…at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

THE PASSAGE

            Let me make a number of observations about this passage. First of all, it is filled with tension, and that tension stays with us, the listeners. I notice that the disciples are squirming at Jesus’ words, and thus we read in vs. 10 “When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.” The disciples were puzzled, in fact, dumbfounded and tensed up by Jesus’ answer.

And in honesty, I must confess that I, too, feel this tension as a pastor. I’ve seen enough over the years to know the heartaches of parishioners who agonize over broken relationships. I’ve heard enough to know that divorce is painful—not only for the couple or parents, but also for the children. And the pain does not simply disappear over time. Feelings of shame, inadequacies, and failures linger for a long time. For we all know intuitively: It’s not supposed to be that way.

            I will not try to remove the tension from our hearts. Together we must hear, embrace, and incorporate Jesus’ words. Let the Spirit of Jesus then simply do his work. It’s important, however, to remember that the Word of God has more to say about marriage than what we hear coming from Jesus’ lips today. And remember that Jesus knows us so well, for he has taken on our human nature, our flesh. And, says the apostle John (John 1:14), Jesus has revealed himself “full of grace and truth.”

The words you hear coming from Jesus’ lips today may sound more like harsh truth rather than liberating, healing grace. Yet, there is both grace and truth in Jesus’ message. God intends marriage to be for life. As long as we live in a sinful, broken world, we shall have to live with the tension we encounter today. And as followers of Jesus, we shall continue to declare that God intends marriage to be for life.

Secondly, the setting of the passage is important for our understanding of Jesus’ response. For example, the Pharisees are prone to live by rules and regulations which they have deduced from the Law of Moses. In fact, the O.T. law allows for divorce and remarriage (Deut. 24:1-4; 22:13-19, 28, 29). The so-called “Bill of Divorce” allowed a man to send his wife away, and both of them could marry someone else, if they so should choose.

The Pharisees, however, could not always agree on whether a man could divorce his wife for “any and every reason” (Matth. 19:3). And in their role as Israel’s religious leaders, the Pharisees have set themselves up as judges over married couples, deciding which couple, for whatever reason, could sever the bond of marriage and go the route of divorce and remarriage. So the Pharisees go to Rabbi Jesus to test him on his understanding of the Law of Moses.

Jesus knows where they “are coming from,” and Jesus wants to pull them away from the Law of Moses and from their assumed positions of judges over the marriages of people. Jesus draws them to God’s intent for marriage, which God revealed and instituted “at the beginning of creation.”

You see, the Law of Moses was given to address the reality of sin and the hardness of our hearts. And God made provision for his people in light of the reality of sin and brokenness in our lives. But it was not always supposed to be that way! For when we go back to the beginning of creation we note that God made clear his intent for marriage. It’s for life. “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Jesus is not denying the Law of Moses’ provision for a Bill of Divorce and remarriage. Neither is Jesus’ taking away this provision of God’s grace in the midst of brokenness. Rather, Jesus is calling us to live by God’s gracious intent as revealed in his creation law of marriage. Jesus, in fact, has come to usher in the new creation, the rule of heaven, the new humanity—free from the Law of Moses.

Don’t bind yourself to Moses’ Law. I’ve come to fulfill that Law, says Jesus. Commit yourselves to God’s creation intent for marriage. And you’ll discover that living by God’s grace is far more liberating than living by Moses’ Law. We must go back to God’s intent for marriage as he revealed it at the beginning of creation.

Third, in a very subtle way the passage illustrates Jesus’ call to go back to God’s intent. Verses 13-16, for example, confront us with little children who come to Jesus. The disciples do not approve of little children taking their cues from Jesus, because after all, they are not yet 12 years old or older; they are not yet UNDER MOSES’ Law; they are not yet adults who must commit themselves to God’s Law as revealed in the writings of Moses.

Jesus, however, rebukes his disciples and he says: “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”  Disciples of Jesus must be like little children: they come to Jesus and take their cues from him. They do not bind themselves to the yoke of Moses’ Law. After all, they are little children, not yet 12 years old or older to be bound to the Law.

Neither must we. Paul makes the same point in Romans 5:20 “The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Congregation, as we face the reality of sin and brokenness in our lives, we turn to Jesus (like the little children) and take our cues from him. For the rule of heaven is found in King Jesus. And King Jesus opens the gateway of God’s salvation and true life for us today by reminding us: God intends marriage to be for life. That’s the way it’s supposed to be!

GOD’S INTENT

            From Jesus’ words, we learn that marriage, as intended by God, is about a coming together—a union, that includes two people—a man and woman giving of themselves to each other to such an extent that they are one unit, one flesh. Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically and sexually, they are united, wedded, locked together for life.

            We note from Jesus’ words that marriage is between a man and woman. Scriptures does not support today’s trend toward so-called “gay marriages.” Marriage is between a man and woman.

            Likewise, Scripture does not support the non-committal arrangement of co-habitation as an alternative or step toward marriage. There was no try-out period or escape clause for Adam and Eve. God’s intent for marriage is to be for life.

            Such is the drumbeat by which followers of Jesus must learn to live. Oh, I know. Sin and brokenness are very much part of our lives. But God gives us grace. That grace comes to us in the form of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. And that grace comes to us by means of spiritual disciplines, including the call to repent from our sins, including the work of forgiving, and loving, and apologizing, and humbling ourselves, including the hard work of reconciliation, including the work of suffering the misery of our brokenness and sins, and yes, including starting over again.

            Our story is to live already today by the intent of God’s will for us. Christ Jesus makes that possible by his Word and Spirit; and even when we should stumble and fail, Christ lifts us up, loves us nevertheless, and says: “Here’s how it’s supposed to be: live that way!”

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.