Title: A HEADY CALL FOR HUSBANDS
Focus: Headship and submission are Christ-modeled principles for Christian husbands and wives.
Function: To move the people to model their relationship in marriage after the relationship between Christ and his church.
Text: Ephesians 5:21-6:23
The scripture passage comes to us with a heady call—not only for husbands (as the title of the message implies) but also for wives. In fact, whether married or single, there is a lot of food for thought for all of us in this passage.
My dictionary tells me that the word “heady” has a number of different meanings. For example,
a. intoxicating or stupefying; or
b. tending to upset the mind or the balance of senses; or
c. serving to exhilarate.
The word “heady” may also mean: (negatively) impetuous and rash; domineering or overbearing; or (positively) showing intelligence and good judgment.
As we explore the scripture passage and consider, in particular, Paul’s call to Christian couples, some of us may find Paul’s call “heady.” Your initial reaction may be one of being put off. Headship and submission are not part of your vocabulary in marriage; you may advocate equality and individuality as defined by our culture and society today. Others, however, may welcome the call to headship and submission as an exhilarating model for Christian marriage. And really, that’s what it is—a model for Christian marriage; a model for all of us to follow.
Headship and submission are Christ-modeled principles for Christian husbands and wives. I pray that each one of us will commit to model in our marriages the relationship of headship and submission after the relationship between Christ and his church.
The scripture passage covers a lot of territory. Its flow of thought is clear, however. In the first part of the scripture reading (ch. 5:21-6:9) the apostle Paul highlights mutual submission as an important aspect of Christian living. Listen: (vs. 21) “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Paul, then, explains how mutual submission works itself out in three areas of relationships: in marriage (vs. 22-33); in parenting (6:1-4 children/parents); and in the workforce (5-9 slaves and masters or employers).
In the second part of the passage, the apostle Paul issues a call to be strong in the Lord. In verses 10-18 he exhorts us to be aware of the spiritual forces all around us—forces which are at odd with Christ and all he stands for, and which hinder us time and time again to live as committed disciples for Christ. As we are engaged in spiritual warfare, Paul calls us to put on the armor of God and to live by the power of the Holy Spirit.
The last part of the scripture reading (vs. 10-23) includes closing remarks to the Ephesian Christians; it contains personal requests, greetings, and well-wishes for all them.
In my message I wish to focus on the first part, where the apostle Paul issues a call for mutual submission, and explains how that mutual submission works itself out in marriage. He makes clear that headship and submission are Christ-modeled principles for Christian husbands and wives.
Many young people reflect very little on what makes a marriage “tick.” Few parents explain or articulate to their children the biblical principles for marriage; and many single young adults postpone marriage or hesitate to make commitments toward marriage, because they are afraid or unsure as to how to make marriage work. Who can blame them when you consider that in North America almost 50% of marriages tend to break up within the first seven years?
And thus we do well—whether we are single or married—to pay attention to those principles, because these principles foster harmony and unity and joy in a marriage.
The inspired writer begins by calling us to practice mutual submission in all our relationships: (vs. 21) “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Paul then takes the verb “submit” into the marriage relationship and he says: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” So we observe that it is the wife’s duty to submit to her husband.
Submission, however, does not mean that the wife acts as a doormat. Submission in a Christian marriage does not mean that husbands must treat their wives as slaves who must obey the commands of their master. Many in our culture today will react to such a notion. And thus for most women the word “submission” is not a very popular word. But I ask you all to listen very carefully to what the text says: (vs. 22,23) “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Paul defines the wife’s duty of submission in terms of our relationship with the Lord Jesus. As Christians (male and female) receive with gratitude and great joy Christ’s gift of salvation—forgiveness of sins, eternal life, and adoption in the family of God, for example—so wives are to receive with gratitude and joy their husbands’ love and care for them.
I’ve never heard objections from Christian men and women saying: “You know, Pastor, I can’t stand the way I have to submit to Christ our Lord!” Anyone who reflects upon Christ’s love for us, realizes what a wonderful privilege it is to submit to Christ and receive his love. And in return, we relate to Christ with praise, respect, reverent fear, and a growing love for him.
As the church opens her heart to the loving embrace of Christ our Savior and Lord, so wives open their hearts—submit to—their husbands, who seek to love them and care for them with their whole being. As the wife’s duty is to submit to her husband, so it is the husband’s duty to love his wife.
The Bible gives us a wonderful analogy: Christ is the bridegroom; the church is his bride. As the church submits to Christ, the Savior and Healer and Provider of life and wholeness, so Paul calls women to relate to their husbands with submission.
Then Paul points to the principle of headship in a marriage relationship, and he says: “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” Now elsewhere in Scripture, the principle of a husband’s headship is rooted in creation (I Cor. 11:3-12; I Tim. 2:11-13). It’s a creation principle, which underscores that yes, men and women are equal before God—both are created by God, and both are created in the likeness or image of God, and both are created by God in his image for each other.
The headship principle also underscores, however, that God has created men and women with distinct differences and functions. These differences complement a man and women in marriage; they enable them to live together as full partners under God.
I like what Dr. John Stott (p. 22) says in this regard: “The biblical teaching is that God has given to man (and specially to the husband in the marriage relationship) a certain headship, and that his wife will find herself and her true God-given role not in rebellion against him or his headship, but in a voluntary and joyful submission.”
How does the apostle Paul work out the principle of headship in marriage? Now we are getting into the heady call for husbands.
Headship in marriage means that the husband models his relationship with his wife after the relationship of Christ with his church. Listen (vs. 25) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church….” Here we learn that practicing the headship principle in marriage centers on loving your wife as Christ loved the church. In other words: Jesus is the model for husbands to follow. The way Jesus loved the church is the way for us, Christian men, to love our wives.
Well, then, what did Jesus do? Paul tells us by giving us five stages of Christ’s commitment toward the church: (vs.25-27)
1. Christ loved the church
2. Christ gave himself up for the church
3. Christ sanctifies the church
4. Christ cleansed, purified the church
5. Christ presents his bride, the church, to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Here’s a mystery: as Christian men and women and children, Jews and Gentiles, throughout the ages form one body and are united in Christ, so a husband and wife are united in marriage and become one flesh, one body.
As Christ self-sacrificially loves the church, his body, and as we, the members of his body submit to him in love and respect and holy reverence, so the husband must love his wife self-sacrificially and the wife must submit to her husband with joy, deference, love and respect.
As Christians are members of Christ’s body and as Christ loves his body, so wives and husbands are one in flesh, and husbands must love their wives as they love their own body or flesh.
In practical terms, then, husbands should treat their wives—nurturing, feeding, and caring for them—as they do unto themselves.
All of these insights from the scripture passage lead me to emphasize the following:
a. Shape your understanding of
your marriage relationship with your spouse by the teaching of Scripture, not culture:
If you have a blasé approach to marriage or if you are like this man who said to his marriage counselor: “I married a woman who I thought was the ideal. But I got an ordeal; and now I want a new deal!” I say to you, you are on the wrong track. Pay attention to Christ’s love for the church. And model your love for your wife after Christ’s love for his church.
If you have a hang-up about the word “submit,” I say: get over it by studying and meditating on the Bible’s description of submission, and model your relationship with your husband after the church’s relationship with Christ.
If you are afraid of marriage because you have few positive role models in your own life, I say: do not despair. Commit yourself to follow Jesus in his relationship to the church. Headship and submission are Christ-modeled principles for you and me to follow. If we embrace them, God will bless us in our relationships.
b. Parents, make a
commitment to talk with your children about these biblical principles for marriage. They need to hear from you. We need to teach them. Yes, by example, and with stories and words that underscore the biblical witness.
c. Wives, do what Scripture
says: submit, respect. In doing so, you enable your husband to exercise his headship, using as a model Christ in relationship to the church.
Husbands, do what Scripture says: love self-sacrificially. In doing so, you enable your wife to receive your love and care with respect and loving submission.
In marriage, we can “make” or “break” each other. By taking God’s Word seriously we will flourish in our relationships.
Easy? No. Doable? Yes, with God’s Spirit and blessings, we can enter marriage with joy and anticipation, and we can live a married life with gratitude to God and each other.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.